by: Bahaa Sobhey - October 20, 2009 4:30 am
During 3 years you think it'll light... and everything will be fine, because you'll meet your lover finally, and It's the your future life, on a sudden, the one you trusted is the one that turned all your life lamps Off.
after 3 years, you will try to listen to the same songs you was loveing to listen in the past, but you find yourself, not like them anymore...
I've loved some songs, because it's reminding me with the lover I ever trusted, it's still reminding me with her, her desires in me, her promises to not leave me... and seeking my getting online, I play the same songs now, and I imagine she'll come with this exact song, I remember she was always doing it when this song was played... but this time, she doesn't come, a bad disappointing moment, a deep heartache.
when you expect something and comes the contrarily... When you love someone and she's no more caring this point.
I'm keeping listening to the same songs, and it hurts me, when you look around, and she's not online anymore, you feel the loneliness, and like all the songs are bad. the same as the life now !
the sad point is when you try to ask her "how are you?" then you got this: "Life is ok" as an answer, like you're not even in her mind, it makes you feel so hurt, and like you're a stranger, you find yourself talk as a reaction forced to talk like just an old friend ! and like nothing was between you and her before, and it hurts me more ! because I want to tell her that "I Love her so much, and that I can sacrifice her with my life to safe her and make her happy" but you find your tongue is not able, because your heart is afraid, not able to talk, nor to tell her what I want to say, because she's acting with me like I'm a strange person to her.... and I find my mind thinking she might have another person that loves her and she loves him now instead of loving me, then I block myself from bothering her with my feelings words....
I found myself thinking.... and keep thinking, "is it important my happiness? or her happiness??", then my heart answers me: "Surely her happiness, don't be selfish man, maybe she's more happy with the new lover now", then I say to my heart "yeah.. you're right, I shouldn't be selfish... all what's important now is her happiness not me, just don't bother her anymore, from time to time try to send her one or two texts".
In each time I wish myself the luck that she will receive them... and I act like just a friend, no more, to avoid bothering her, I feel it kills me to act like a stranger, and I feel like I need a hug, not any hug.... I need her hug, even if for a first and last time she give me a hug...
my heart and my eyes are crying, and keeping giving tears... the life without her is killing me, I wanna scream, but I can't, days are going on, and the loneliness is my only true friend now, it's with me everywhere I go. but I'll keep listening to the same songs, it's what's remain to me, the memories, not important if it's Happy or bad memories.... Just I have something I can smile when I remember because it reminds me with the true love !
